So here we go. Another mass shooting. And another opportunity to open the dialog for why gun control may not be the worst thing ever has come and will go with little comment from those who govern us aside from the notion that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

As they say, guns make it a hell of a lot easier.

But look, before we get all crazy about how we can militia-ize and overthrow and tyrants and all of that…hysteria, let’s just stop and take a deep breath. 

Gun control doesn’t mean seizing all guns and never letting anyone have one ever even though we’ve been letting nutbags have them for years and years and years and only bad guys have them and good people need guns at a moment’s notice sometimes and have absolutely no other alternatives because the police are to slow/lazy/don’t care/are socialists. Gun control means, hey, maybe we kinda sorta don’t need semi automatic weapons because they lead to bad things and a lot of people are getting shot by nutbags.

It means, hey, maybe instead instead of like, deploying drones over a cow dispute (I’m so not kidding) because we’re not sure what dude might be packing, we maybe kinda keep records of these kinds of things and maybe when someone gets all stockpiley, we stop by with some scones and say, “so what up?”

Now, I get how someone stockpiling weapons might feel a little nervous by police types stopping by, but to be honest, I’m a little nervous about people stockpiling weapons. In fact, I’m a lot nervous about it since, you know, there have been a couple of them recently and they don’t seem likely to stop.

Now, I know what you are going to say. Guns? What about that guy in China who killed like 8 people with a knife? Isn’t life just hard and bad and if we’re going to shake down gun owners, shouldn’t we logically then shake down knife owners?

Except, you know, the whole thing about the primary purpose of knives being things like chopping vegetables or whatever. 

The gun’s primary purpose is to put holes in things. Even if you’re a hunter or legitimately want to keep deer off of your lawn, or just want a weapon for peace of mind in case of home invasions, all of that has deathy implications. 

Yeah. So like, sure you can kill someone with a hammer, but you probably shouldn’t hammer in nails with your gun. 

Now, full disclosure, my first non-tv experience with a gun was having it shoved in my face in the course of being kidnapped. Before you say, “but if you had a gun…” I was four. If I had a gun, my babysitter would’ve been dead in the course of trying to enforce naptime. But still, maybe if my babysitter had had a gun? Only, she was driving and the guy came really fast. But maybe if one of our helpful citizens also caught in Houston traffic had a gun? The maybe my head would’ve been blown off by a helpful citizen playing Rambo. That would’ve been awesome because I wouldn’t have been kidnapped.

Did I mention that the guy who came to the car had just robbed a bank and there were police with guns behind him? Oops! Guns were there and miraculously bad shit happened in spite of many, many guns present! 

So yeah, the notion that bad things won’t happen any more because guns isn’t applicable in every case. In fact, it’s not even applicable in most cases because people with guns can act so quickly. I’m sure you’re Quickdraw McGraw, but most people aren’t, you know, watching a movie thinking, “if someone comes in shooting, I’m so totally ready.”

So, okay. Maybe a little control would be not so bad. Why aren’t we having this conversation? Well, because NRA. And it’s not that NRA is just full of evil peoples who want a lot of people shot in the head. But it’s simply in their nature to advocate for gun rights. And they’re really, really good at it. So good at it, that they managed to supersede the wishes of a Tennessee community in the hopes of making it super okay to keep guns in the car on PRIVATE EMPLOYER’S LOTS.  

Yeah, so maybe you’re an employer who had a bad case of the kidnappings as a child and you say, “I’d rather you not bring your gun to work or have it on you while here or keep it in your car because you may have a bad day and get all killy. ‘Cause, you know, these things happen sometimes.”

Then the NRA says, “But…but… highway violence is all over the place and if everyone on the road had a gun, then people could shoot back, which would lead to less bullets flying and less death, or something.”

And you say, “This is my private parking lot. Please do not be bringing your killing machines to it.”

Only, not so much. Because they want to make it law. And you’d totally fire the person bringing the gun to work, except now they’re armed.

Oh. I get it now. NRA is trying to solve unemployment.

In any case, I’m probably going to get a gun soon. After some lessons. And then a concealed carry license. Because it’s better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it. Or something. 

That’s right. I’m liberal, I vote, and soon I’ll be packing. 

Talk nerdy to me